all i need is faith.

it's been 2 days since i've been back from camp .. and camp was great (:
i got to know quite alot of pple .. esp those from english service and i didn't know they existed at all =X
oh wells .. that's besides the point ..
the point is .. i went for ABC to take a break from everything ..
the theme was "walking with a heart after God"

throughout the 5 days .. i sort of found my passion through the workshops i attended by Kaye Hurn and had definately been touched by God during sermons/messages by Rev Clement Wong & Pastor Jim Hurn (:

i broke down afew times just thinking about school and stuff .. but in the end i left it all to God .. the burden felt so much lighter and i could enjoy my time there ..

anyways .. the night i came back .. went to send meiling, regina & yvonne off cuz they were going japan for a 7days holiday together with meiling's mum .. lucky girls .. met up with dionne & amy first for dinner @ changi airport bk .. at arnd 10 they went in and we left .. took bus back and was reading my book ..

came online and the first pm was from wenling asking me if i knew abt erp uml diagram hw .. it was due at 12 .. i totally panicked and kinda broke down again .. thank God for friends esp jiawei .. he sent me his uml as reference .. but i didnt look at it till i was done drawing mine .. i missed the dateline by 15 mins .. but luckily the link was still arnd ..

because of this. i lost abit of faith ..

sermon today was on revelations 4
coincidentally .. it seemed as though God was speaking to me through the speaker's message .. it's like Jesus is knocking the door of my heart but i'm not opening it for Him .. however the door of heaven is always open for me .. but i can't enter it till i open the door of my heart ..

question: why can't i open the door of my heart?
i'm trapped; there are obstacles blocking the way and because of my lack of faith, i think that i'm on my own but actually there's a verse that says "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way" .. i really think i need more faith even though it's as little as a tiny mustard seed .. i rmb my mum showing me a bookmark abt God able to move mountains if someone had a faith a little as a tiny mustard seed that is approximately like the size of this -> .

sighs. i'm know i need faith and trust that God will make a way for me .. but what's holding me back?
i really have no idea ..

i'm sorry for boring all of u with the chunk of religious stuff that u read above .. but i have the urge to put this down here because i've been thinking alot abt it lately .. maybe it'll enlighten some of u that are facing the same problems as me .. whether it's school, relationship, family or any other problems .. yupps ..

i guess i'm becoming a rather changed person now .. i can feel it.

anyhow, please do keep me in ur prayers.
thanks (: