temporary loss or gone forever?

wells .. i'm not excatly in a very "good state" now .. talking to vt on msn .. she's sad too .. i jux finish watching little bride (i found the english title) .. i cried while watching the last 2 disc .. i wouldn't want to imagine myself in such a situation but i know there will be a time when everyone must go.

anyway the main point of this entry isn't really about death ..
i've seen & read eunice's blog abt her best friend .. i'm wondering about mine .. my best friend, my clique.

my best friend.
for the past 13 days. since the quarrel we had .. nothing seemed to go back to it's original place .. i've thought about everything that happened and apologised .. i think she's still angry with me but i don't know .. i haven't talk to her at all .. it's jux short sentences and nothing else ..

i wonder if she's even reading this .. and i wonder if someone who's reading this is gloating over it .. i don't wish to lose my best friend just like that .. someone who has always been there for the past 4 yrs since the end of sec 3 .. someone who knows what i'm thinking most of the times .. someone who will listen and console me when i'm down .. no one can replace her at all ..

vy. if u're still angry i'm really sorry. maybe we can't be as close as last time already but i'm always there for u. my bestie forever

my clique.
we've taken different paths. srjc/mjc/np ..
although we have occasional meet ups .. usually it'll only be 3 out of 4 .. i long for the times when we went for np open house/steamboat, ms ferng's treat, working @ kirei, 2oo5 vday, my 17th bday and many many more ..
don't u think that we're starting to lose contact already? .. i hardly talk to huiis/vt now .. i wonder how they're doing and always read their blogs for updates .. i jux found out that huiis depressed. vt's not what she use to be cuz of sth.

darls. i hope we can meet up soon and talk about everything like last time. those crap, gossip, crazy thinkings whatever u guys can think of .. i really miss u ! ..


if i could turn back time will things be different?
maybe/maybe not.

What's Left Of Me
Nick Lachey

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
Running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

i don't know if i shld post this up at all .. i wish i have dx to lock my all emo entries. these entries are like the inner me. i don't wanna show it but i can't help it cuz i have to let it all out. sorry guys. jux let me be for now .. i'll be fine soon :)